Dig

(Denton after Snowmeggedon 2011...this picture is stinkin' old...)

As many of you who follow me on Facebook probably know, I've had a rough couple of weeks. About two weeks ago, I had another major anxiety attack and had to head back home for a few days. As of today, I have officially been in action again for a week! I've had a long semester, emotionally.  I just haven't felt right for a majority of this semester for various reasons. I've had to adjust to my apartment, my roommates, and a new schedule. Ethan and I have gone through many changes, with having to adjust to working together. I haven't gotten out of the house like I used to, and I haven't been able to do improv since last year.

This afternoon I had to go pick our anniversary photos (more on that later!) and I had the chance to walk through Downtown Denton. As I walked through the city, I felt like one of those refugees that had hid inside from the storm for so long that they'd forgotten what sunshine felt like. It was a beautiful, sunny, and cool afternoon. I walked through and noticed many places in Denton had closed--Love Shack (which sucked anyway) and another restaurant had closed signs up. I felt horribly out of the loop. There was a point when I first moved here that I knew about MOST everything about Denton. Now two major businesses had closed and I had no clue. I felt shocked. And then I realized: I had been plotting trying to leave Denton for some time. The love for the place I had left my family behind for was totally gone. The school I'd decided to call home back in 2011 was now a jail cell. But as I realized while I was walking through Denton, it wasn't the city, or my school I hated. It was the rut I was stuck in. I hated not getting out of the house, and I hated feeling distant from the people who welcomed me to Denton in the first place. I miss the weekends I took time for myself and went to shows. I miss the days when my life was more than work, school, home.

I miss taking care of myself.

This morning I woke up and the lyrics from the Incubus song "Dig" were stuck in my head.

"Remind me that we'll always have each other, when everything else is gone..."

Somehow the lyrics ring true to me. They have been especially meaningful to me today. Not necessarily because I have Ethan, or anyone or anything else in my life. But because of who it was before I had the job, the boyfriend, or the nice apartment. Back when I was happy going to Sack 'N Save across from the dollar store and buying whatever I could and going home to my matchbox dorm in Legends Hall. Just me and Jesus.

If you need me, I'll be having my "ME"-time in my bubble bath. :)

With love (and optimism),

Ty:)